Liberal
Introduction A liberal (officially Terro-liberal communist non-American) is any individual who hates America, our Troops, Freedom, war, and everything else that it stands for. The typical liberal is a henna-tattooing, tofu-eating, bear-hugging, whale-saving, war-hating, marijuana-smoking, pornography-watching, tree hugging Godless hippy moonbat bent on destroying American values. Most liberals, given the choice, prefer to live on either the East Coast or the West Coast in their Ivory Towers. Liberals are an insult to Real Americans, and should be eliminated. Just ask Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin. Liberalism has a variety of common symptoms, including: * Clinical Communeurosis * Imbalance of the Four Bodily Humors (Blood, Red, White and Blue Bile, Nutmeat, and T.Q.) * Hallucinations (generally these involve perceiving groups such as hippies and homosexuals as human beings) * Erectile dysfunction and the small penis disorder * Homosexuality * Brain damage * Mental Retardation There is one cure for liberalism; inexpensive treatments are available to help liberals lead normal lives at GITMO, there you will treated as the traitors you SHOULD be treated here as and perhaps even be granted an eternity in one of the less grievous circles of Hell. Contact your brother-in-law for more details* Liberals are defined as un-American as a Japanese tuner car. This page is a very accurate acount of what liberals are (evil and destryoying our country). *Hell Offer void if you live in Hollywood or Amsterdam, your fate is already sealed, Slappy. Origins Liberalism started when Satan first smoked Marijuana. But the Liberal Media has squashed that and it is now believed to have originated in the early 1900s, with the creation of an organization known as America-hating Communist Liberals' Union, or ACLU. The ACLU would later change its name, but it would maintain its original acronym, and its status as a union of America-hating Communist Liberals. The ACLU began its terrifying regime in the communist canadian province of Manitoba, where it was widely accepted as the ultimate government. Key liberal strategies also began to arise around this time. For example, ACLU members' virulent hatred of American troops led them to develop a plan of treason during World War I, in which they would stab American soldiers as they were stepping onto trains which were departing for wherever World War I was fought, then flee the scene like the prissy cowards they were. This strategy became known as the "cut-and-run" technique, and it is a favorite of liberals to this day. One of the earliest liberal politicians was Silas Mortimeyer, an incredibly wealthy elitist who ran for president in 1920 with the slogan, "A stretch-limousine in every double-wide garage and an olive in every martini." He ran on a platform that he referred to as the "tax-and-spend doctrine." In this program, he promised to levy "scores of new taxes" on the American people, which he would then spend "rampantly" on "whatever would hurt America most." It is commonly believed that Mortimeyer lost the election because he was out of touch with the average American and was a clueless limousine liberal who hated all things decent. Historians consider this conclusion blantantly unfair, and have instead put forth the theory that his popularity waned when it was discovered that he achieved his wealth by providing street harlots with cheap homestyle abortions. Some sources have also indicated that he used the aborted fetuses in his widely-publicized "Satanic rituals." Also, his gay partner was often drunk and embarressed him on many occasions. Today, the vast left wing conspiracy to destroy America continues, perpetuated mostly by the pot-smoking gay immigrants of student activist organizations, like the Coalition of Progressive Democrats. See also *Liberals *Terrorist *Communist *Democrat *Scientist *journalist (except for Fox News) *Environmentalist *Educator *Pornographer *France *Canada *Europe *Willie Nelson *Hillary Clinton *Hugo Chavez *Gay Bears *Abortionist External links *Liberals Vs. Conservatives